OTA

[quartermaster_q]

Q had managed to remain out of the field for a bit now, confined to his lab and Q branch, quite happily. In fact his world, as a whole, had been delightfully calm. He and Bond had spent the holiday abroad, doing things the office didn't need to know about... And he'd returned to London uncharacteristically chipper.

Today he was at a cafe not far from the office, hiding behind his laptop as usual- However, he seemed slightly less closed off than usual. Where he usually blended into the background, or made a point of not engaging with the world, today.... Today, however, he seemed interested, watching people pass by out the window, and even occasionally glancing up to see who was coming and going in the cafe.

In fact, he was so engaged with the world, that he didn't notice his laptop screen flicker strangely before returning to normal.

Comments

[quartermaster_q]

"No- I think you should leave that to professionals. However, I think you'll want to, and if you do, I'd like to know in case James decides we should investigate," Q said with a soft sigh.

[alcuin]

Alcuin dropped his eyes briefly to the table. "I know you don't trust me," he said. "I don't - have any ulterior motives. I just want to know what happened to him. I just want - " He wanted whoever did it to pay. "I just want justice for him."

[quartermaster_q]

"That's the part that concerns me," Q assured him, frowning slightly as he sipped his tea.

[alcuin]

"What, because you think I want revenge?"

Alcuin looked at him for a moment. "Wouldn't you, if someone killed James?"

[quartermaster_q]

Q nearly said he wouldn't need to, that it would be taken care of- But he didn't.

"You're not a police man, you're not a spook. If you take revenge, Alcuin, you really will end up behind bars. ...Do you think that's what Hannibal would want for you?"

[alcuin]

"I didn't say I would take revenge myself," Alcuin sighed. "I just want to see justice for him. Do you really think..." He ran his hands through his hair. "You think I would, what, kill someone? Is that the next step after being a prostitute and spy? That was... that was a long time ago."

[quartermaster_q]

"You're drawn to danger. You know exactly what I think," Q countered. "I think you're a ticking time bomb. That feeling hasn't changed. ...And I think finding your lover's murderer would be a hell of a trigger."

[alcuin]

Alcuin looked at him for a moment and then asked quietly, "Do you see yourself in me?"

[quartermaster_q]

"I think the more interesting question is do you see yourself in me, Alcuin," Q countered.

[alcuin]

Alcuin was not entirely sure how to answer that question. But his next thought occurred to him so violently that he blurted it without thinking at all.

"You told me once that you thought Anafiel had turned me into a weapon with no one to aim it now," he said. "What if you were the one to aim me?"

[quartermaster_q]

Q looked over at him, quirking a brow.

"I'm flattered you think I have that sort of authority. However, I think you may have overestimated my position in her majesty's service."

He paused a beat, then shook his head. "I can't stop you from applying, obviously."

[alcuin]

"But you want to," said Alcuin. "You think I shouldn't. Why?"

The truth was, he'd been thinking about his future a lot lately, knowing that he would be graduating soon. And Hannibal's death made him think more about the paths he'd been trying not to consider too seriously.

[quartermaster_q]

Q was silent for a moment, then closed his laptop, turning to face Alcuin full on.

He had an answer to that, but he didn't offer it yet. Instead he seemed to soften, reaching out and touching Alcuin's cheek. Credit where it was due, Q was quite the actor when the need arose, and there was nothing about him that seemed disingenuous in that moment. Not a damn thing. Not even when he leaned in and pressed a soft kiss to the corner of Alcuin's lips.

"You've lost so much. Your lover, your father figure..." Twice over, but Q didn't say as much. He was in the role now, and he wouldn't break character until he was good and ready. "Are you feeling lost?" he asked softly.

[alcuin]

Alcuin looked genuinely surprised for a moment... and then softened. "Perhaps that's part of it," he said quietly. "I also, I just... I want to do what I'm good at."

[quartermaster_q]

"And this is where you think your talents are," Q said, nodding a little in understanding- Then tutting a bit and drawing away.

"I have worked with many agents. Many, understand? I have seen them come from all walks of life, but most of them, Alcuin, are a lot like you. Rotten childhoods, traumatic events... I like to think I'm good, now, at sussing out which ones will burn out, which ones will die- Which ones will turn easily. My record isn't perfect, but I'm right more often than I'd like to be. You're easily charmed, you want to be loved. People will prey on that. I certainly would, and I'm not even a field agent."

[alcuin]

"I was good," Alcuin said defensively. "I was trained for this. I know how to observe, how to act, how to seduce, how to fight..." That last one perhaps not as well as the rest. "And I can turn off the rest, I don't get emotionally involved."

[quartermaster_q]

"You were trained by a father figure who became your lover," Q countered. "You bow to authority, especially older men. You bend and aim to please. It's a weakness. I would know, it's one I share," he added sharply.

[alcuin]

"It's one I can control," Alcuin said quietly. "I'm not... weak."

[quartermaster_q]

"I'm not calling you weak," Q replied firmly. "I'm saying you have a weakness. If you're serious about this, you need to be aware of it- To understand it, so you can guard it properly."

[alcuin]

"I am," Alcuin insisted. "I can." He looked down at his hands for a moment, then back up at Q. "You're right," he finally said. "I'm lost. I want some purpose. I'm graduating from university in a few months. I'd thought of seeking you out, but I knew how you distrusted me."

[quartermaster_q]

Q sighed a little, taking his glasses off and cleaning them.

"Even if you can guard your weak spot, I'm not certain six, or five, would take you on," Q said honestly. After all, they so much preferred to have their spies brainwashed to be loyal to them, not dead men. Also tabloid darlings, no matter how forgotten, weren't the best secret agents.

"That, however, doesn't rule out other possibilities," he allowed, looking a bit put upon as he slipped his glasses back on and picked up his tea. "The police force. Private investigative work... Unless you're hoping for a job in the office. You don't have the right set of skills currently to join Q branch, but a few more years of school and you could work for me, or in medical, perhaps. You're pretty, we could use a few more pretty psychologists and doctors. It's nearly impossible to lure the double-o's and other agents in for check ups and psych evaluations."

[alcuin]

Alcuin couldn't really fault Q for the evaluation. He could be right.

It was how put upon he looked to be having this conversation at all that disheartening. "But you would rather I just drop it altogether?"

[quartermaster_q]

"What did you think my reaction to this would be?" Q asked seriously. "I've made my feelings quite clear in the past, Alcuin. I know you're used to batting your lashes and having people tell you what a pretty and sweet boy you are, but I know better. I know where to find the damage. You're a liability, that hasn't changed. If anything you're more of a worry now than before. The cracks are wider and deeper now."

He pursed his lips, then shook his head. "I've no doubt you could be an excellent weapon, I just think it would be impossible to know if we were tossing a grenade or dropping a nuke every time we put you in the field. ...Lucky for you, however, I don't get a say in what applications are accepted. If it's what you want, then that's your choice."

[alcuin]

Alcuin only nodded, looking a bit sad. "Is there anything I could have done to make you like me?" he finally asked.

[quartermaster_q]

"It's never been about liking or disliking," Q assured him. "And honestly, why would you want me to like you?" he pointed out.