![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
faizel posting in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png){kind=small}
londoncallingrpgSince Valentine's Day, Faizel had been quite content to remain at home. He went out for groceries, occasionally crossed to the Other Side to pick up odds and ends- But mostly he was home, seeing students, reading his books, and avoiding the world that waited outside his door. That world, he'd found, just wasn't built for him. Surviving it involved pretending to be someone he just wasn't, and he just... Couldn't do that. It didn't work. He'd tried and failed, and had lost Sunny in the process of failing to strike a balance between faking confidence and staying true to himself.
Sadly, as much as he'd have liked to become a hermit (preferably the wise sort people occasionally sought out while on exciting quests he didn't have to get terribly involved in), that simply wasn't in the cards for him. To keep his job he did, in fact, have to occasionally go out and meet parents, potential students, and even students who were no longer in his care. Today that meant a trip to a local cafe, where he'd just finished discussing potential schools of higher learning with a former student who was trying to keep a foot in both the mortal realm and the magic one.
It had turned out to be quite a heavy conversation, especially when the topic had turned to love. For all it was reassuring to hear one of his former students confess they we're struggling to maintain a relationship because of who they were (dating a non-magic sort was never easy), it was also deeply depressing. It was a reminder that sometimes love simply wasn't in the cards. Sometimes it didn't matter how stable you were or how badly you wanted it- It just wasn't meant to be.
Usually he'd have scurried off home, but his student's worries (and his own) were weighing heavily on him, and he'd found himself ordering another cup of tea.
The worst part of the aftermath of his relationship with Sunny, if he was honest, was the guilt. ...Guilt over the fact that he honestly felt alright most of the time. He missed her, hated knowing he couldn't just call her or drop by and say hello. Hated the strange void he felt in his chest when he thought about it all being over. However, it felt good not to be worried all the time, to not feel wrong or broken constantly. Spending time with Sunny had turned into a stressful thing, never knowing when she was going to cry or get upset, always attempting to interpret feelings he didn't fully understand while pushing himself to be more normal when he just hadn't been ready yet. He had stumbled into being a boyfriend before he'd been ready to be anything more than a possibility. It was like jumping into the deep end before learning to swim. It had been exhilarating and beautiful, but- It felt good to be back in the shallow end with the ground beneath his feet once again, free to float with the knowledge he could touch the floor if he needed to.
(OTA- Find Faizel at any cafe enjoying some tea.)
Sadly, as much as he'd have liked to become a hermit (preferably the wise sort people occasionally sought out while on exciting quests he didn't have to get terribly involved in), that simply wasn't in the cards for him. To keep his job he did, in fact, have to occasionally go out and meet parents, potential students, and even students who were no longer in his care. Today that meant a trip to a local cafe, where he'd just finished discussing potential schools of higher learning with a former student who was trying to keep a foot in both the mortal realm and the magic one.
It had turned out to be quite a heavy conversation, especially when the topic had turned to love. For all it was reassuring to hear one of his former students confess they we're struggling to maintain a relationship because of who they were (dating a non-magic sort was never easy), it was also deeply depressing. It was a reminder that sometimes love simply wasn't in the cards. Sometimes it didn't matter how stable you were or how badly you wanted it- It just wasn't meant to be.
Usually he'd have scurried off home, but his student's worries (and his own) were weighing heavily on him, and he'd found himself ordering another cup of tea.
The worst part of the aftermath of his relationship with Sunny, if he was honest, was the guilt. ...Guilt over the fact that he honestly felt alright most of the time. He missed her, hated knowing he couldn't just call her or drop by and say hello. Hated the strange void he felt in his chest when he thought about it all being over. However, it felt good not to be worried all the time, to not feel wrong or broken constantly. Spending time with Sunny had turned into a stressful thing, never knowing when she was going to cry or get upset, always attempting to interpret feelings he didn't fully understand while pushing himself to be more normal when he just hadn't been ready yet. He had stumbled into being a boyfriend before he'd been ready to be anything more than a possibility. It was like jumping into the deep end before learning to swim. It had been exhilarating and beautiful, but- It felt good to be back in the shallow end with the ground beneath his feet once again, free to float with the knowledge he could touch the floor if he needed to.
(OTA- Find Faizel at any cafe enjoying some tea.)
