OTA

[faizel]

Since Valentine's Day, Faizel had been quite content to remain at home. He went out for groceries, occasionally crossed to the Other Side to pick up odds and ends- But mostly he was home, seeing students, reading his books, and avoiding the world that waited outside his door. That world, he'd found, just wasn't built for him. Surviving it involved pretending to be someone he just wasn't, and he just... Couldn't do that. It didn't work. He'd tried and failed, and had lost Sunny in the process of failing to strike a balance between faking confidence and staying true to himself. 

Sadly, as much as he'd have liked to become a hermit (preferably the wise sort people occasionally sought out while on exciting quests he didn't have to get terribly involved in), that simply wasn't in the cards for him. To keep his job he did, in fact, have to occasionally go out and meet parents, potential students, and even students who were no longer in his care. Today that meant a trip to a local cafe, where he'd just finished discussing potential schools of higher learning with a former student who was trying to keep a foot in both the mortal realm and the magic one. 

It had turned out to be quite a heavy conversation, especially when the topic had turned to love. For all it was reassuring to hear one of his former students confess they we're struggling to maintain a relationship because of who they were (dating a non-magic sort was never easy), it was also deeply depressing. It was a reminder that sometimes love simply wasn't in the cards. Sometimes it didn't matter how stable you were or how badly you wanted it- It just wasn't meant to be.

Usually he'd have scurried off home, but his student's worries (and his own) were weighing heavily on him, and he'd found himself ordering another cup of tea.

The worst part of the aftermath of his relationship with Sunny, if he was honest, was the guilt. ...Guilt over the fact that he honestly felt alright most of the time. He missed her, hated knowing he couldn't just call her or drop by and say hello. Hated the strange void he felt in his chest when he thought about it all being over. However, it felt good not to be worried all the time, to not feel wrong or broken constantly. Spending time with Sunny had turned into a stressful thing, never knowing when she was going to cry or get upset, always attempting to interpret feelings he didn't fully understand while pushing himself to be more normal when he just hadn't been ready yet. He had stumbled into being a boyfriend before he'd been ready to be anything more than a possibility. It was like jumping into the deep end before learning to swim. It had been exhilarating and beautiful, but- It felt good to be back in the shallow end with the ground beneath his feet once again, free to float with the knowledge he could touch the floor if he needed to.

(OTA- Find Faizel at any cafe enjoying some tea.)

Comments

[akatawitch]

"Yes," she said, almost before all of the words were out of his mouth. There were tears in her eyes which she tried to blink away, but it wasn't misery driving her to cry. "Please. Yes."

[faizel]

"Oh, no, please- Don't cry, Sunny. I'm still not good at crying," he insisted, reaching into his pocket and fishing out a self sterilizing handkerchief from the Other Side.

"We will be friends, and it will be alright," he promised, holding it out in offering.

[akatawitch]

"No, it's not like that," Sunny said, her voice wobbling a bit. But she took the handkerchief anyway and tried to dry her eyes. "I'm just... I'm relieved. I didn't want to do that and I know I didn't think it through and I was too upset to say anything intelligible, but I was so afraid. I could just see where we were going and there was so much tension and resentment lying that way and I couldn't do that. And when I finally calmed down enough to really think about it I realized that yeah, I could deal with us having whatever between us worked, but I couldn't deal with not having my friend at all."

[faizel]

Nodding a little, Faizel was quiet for a long moment before speaking again.

"I simply wasn't ready for all that," he said honestly. "I wanted to be, because I care very deeply for you, Sunny. However, I think we both know there are some things you can't force yourself through. Things that can't be learned through pure force of will."

[akatawitch]

"I wanted you to be, because every time you flinched I felt like a goddamn predator," she murmured. And that was probably harder even than feeling rejected. Affection was supposed to be nice, it wasn't supposed to be like that.

Sunny shook her head and took a breath to steady herself. "If... if someday you are ready, and we both still want to--"and I'm still single--"I'd, um. I'd be open to trying again. But I'm not going to wait."

[faizel]

"I wouldn't ask or expect you to," Faizel assured her with a simple nod.

[akatawitch]

Sunny sighed and let her eyes close. It sounded so simple, but it wasn't, not really. There were any number of barriers to her finding someone--some internal, some external--and the mere idea was daunting. But that wasn't Faizel's problem. So all she said was, "Okay."

[faizel]

Faizel smiled then, warm and bright as he wrapped his hands around his still hot cup of tea.

[akatawitch]

When Sunny thought about it, she wasn't sure she'd seen him really smile like that in a long time, which probably explained why she put her hands to her mouth and tried to muffle her squee.

[faizel]

Faizel's brows went up, but the smile remained.

"Are you alright?"

[akatawitch]

"I'm fine, you're just really cute when you smile and I realized I missed it." Sunny insisted, though her cheeks were turning pink. She did not just squee.

[faizel]

Ducking his head shyly, Faizel nodded. "You're kind, and also very cute, Sunny. ...Even while making strange and high-pitched noises."

[akatawitch]

"I did not!" Sunny pouted, her face going bright red.

[faizel]

"My ears don't lie," Faizel replied, tone serious even as the slight curve of his lips revealed the teasing nature of his words.

[akatawitch]

Sunny was about to protest again when she stopped and grinned at him, despite the fierce blush. "Oh good for you, you just actually teased me."

[faizel]

Faizel looked pleased with himself, for a brief and fleeting moment, then shrugged.