OTA

[london_spy]

He'd come into the new year clean, and intended to do his best to stay that way. More importantly, he was back on his medication and back to eating regular meals- Not that it seemed to be helping much. Some damage couldn't be undone easily though, and Danny was still painfully underweight. Worse still, he was a bit under the weather, and couldn't get in to see his doctor until the end of the month.

It was just a bug, that's what he kept telling himself- And only himself. He didn't want to worry Hex with this, the other man had already gone through so much because of him. Had put up with so much...

He'd pushed himself through a job interview that morning, and was supposed to stop off for groceries next, but a dizzy spell had nearly left him flat on the pavement. So instead he'd wandered into a small cafe, ordering a cup of tea and a sandwich before settling into the last booth in the corner. His hand trembled every time he lifted his mug, and he knew he looked a little pale. 

"It's fine," he whispered to himself. "You're fine. It's fine..."

Taking a calming breath, he lifted his cup again, his hand shaking so hard this time that it fell from his fingers. It bounced off the table, rolling a little before smashing on the floor, coating the shoes of a person walking past.

"Sorry- Shit, I'm so sorry," he said, reaching for some napkins as he spoke.

Comments

[london_spy]

"...I have an appointment coming up with my doctor. I was off my medication for a while, and I'm still adjusting to being back on my regiment," Danny confessed.

[alcuin]

Alcuin nodded, not really sure what to say. "Have you been... better, otherwise?" Alcuin asked. After all, the last time he'd seen him it was, what, maybe a week after his lover had died?

[london_spy]

"Yes, and no," Danny replied, raking his fingers through his hair. "I lost my best friend, but I also met someone. ...We're living together now."

He'd never thought there'd be anyone after Alex.

[alcuin]

Alcuin's expression was one of conflicted relief. It was almost nice to have the reminder that there was life after. He knew it, from before. At first he barely thought he could go on living, after Anafiel. Today was the first day he'd ventured out of his flat since Hannibal's death, so maybe running into Danny was meant as some kind of reminder.

"I'm glad to hear you've found someone who makes you happy," he said, managing a little smile.

[london_spy]

"Thank you. ...I'm lucky. I think Hex may be the only reason I'm still alive," Danny admitted, offering a tired smile, then pushing his hair back out of his face.

"I feel like I should apologise for our first meeting," he added after a moment. "...Not that this one has been much better. At least last time I didn't splash hot tea on you."

[alcuin]

"Please don't apologize," Alcuin said, though his voice was a bit small. "You'd been through a lot and I doubt I was much help." At least that photo of them someone had taken hadn't gone viral or anything; Alcuin would have felt terrible.

[london_spy]

"I just didn't want to wind up in the press again," Danny said quietly. "I was so close to- Well, it doesn't matter. I thought I was about to expose something huge and important, but in the end nothing came of it. The world wasn't terribly interested in what I had to say."

[alcuin]

"I understand," Alcuin said, because he did. "And I'm sorry to hear that." He had never gotten anywhere trying to find Anafiel's killer either. But somehow this time he felt even more of a thirst for some kind of justice, for Hannibal. He'd known Anafiel had enemies, known what kind. This was different.

[london_spy]

Danny shrugged one lean shoulder, offering a tired and weak looking smile.

"I tried, that's something. ...And at least I know the truth, I suppose."

[alcuin]

"It's something, at least," Alcuin said with a small smile.

"You mentioned you were looking for work, the last time we met," he said, remembering. "Ah, have you had any luck?"

[london_spy]

"No," Danny admitted, shaking his head a bit. "I did- I did come into some money though, after my friend passed. ...It turns out he left everything to me. It was too easy for me to forget sometimes, I was... I was sort of all he had near the end," he said softly, guilt hitting him hard.

[alcuin]

"Little comfort, I know," Alcuin said sympathetically. He was wealthy after Anafiel's death. And had heard from a lawyer the day before that Hannibal's will had made him a beneficiary as well. Though his possessions had all been destroyed in the fire, there was a bank account and an insurance policy.

[london_spy]

"I miss him," Danny confessed quietly. "He was always... He was just always there. Always listening, always picking up the pieces when I..."

He looked down at where the broken cup had been, then exhaled softly.

"...Sorry," he said quietly, shaking his thoughts away and forcing a smile. They were as good as strangers after all, and he was definitely oversharing.

[alcuin]

"No, no, it's fine," Alcuin said quickly, and reached out to very briefly touch his arm. "Of course you feel that way, and it's so hard to think about anything else..." He hesitated. He hadn't wanted to bring it up, but the conversation had come to a point where it seemed strange and forced not to. "I lost someone recently," he finally said, vaguely. "And all I could think at first was that he was the one that I really wanted helping me through it. But it's... good to have other people around to help pick up the pieces, too."

[london_spy]

Danny nodded, a sympathetic look in his eyes.

"But you don't like to just drop it on someone, right? Even- Even when they seem to want to help. Hex has been so good to me, but, he must get tired of me speaking of Alex. ...Speaking of Scottie. You can't bottle it up either though. I learned that at these meetings I go to, for other positive people. We talk a lot about grief, about how you have to let it out- But also how you have to let it go eventually."

[alcuin]

"Yeah, I know exactly what you mean," Alcuin said with a little smile. "I've felt guilty dumping my grief on the people around me. But they've been understanding, and... well. It's early yet. I'm hoping to get to the acceptance stage, I guess I've done it before."

[london_spy]

"You could always join a group. I know mine isn't suited to your needs, but there are plenty that are. People who'll listen without judgement... It's good for you. It's been good for me, at least," Danny said.

[alcuin]

"Thanks," Alcuin said, "that's actually not a bad idea. It would probably help to talk about it." Maybe it would help him to talk about it, or at least about his grief... He should be more trusting, it wasn't as if a grief support group would be full of people who were suspicious or judging.

[london_spy]

"It helps to just get it off your chest. The anger, the hurt- Without having to worry about what anyone's thinking of you. It's freeing," Danny assured him.