OTA

[faizel]

Since Valentine's Day, Faizel had been quite content to remain at home. He went out for groceries, occasionally crossed to the Other Side to pick up odds and ends- But mostly he was home, seeing students, reading his books, and avoiding the world that waited outside his door. That world, he'd found, just wasn't built for him. Surviving it involved pretending to be someone he just wasn't, and he just... Couldn't do that. It didn't work. He'd tried and failed, and had lost Sunny in the process of failing to strike a balance between faking confidence and staying true to himself. 

Sadly, as much as he'd have liked to become a hermit (preferably the wise sort people occasionally sought out while on exciting quests he didn't have to get terribly involved in), that simply wasn't in the cards for him. To keep his job he did, in fact, have to occasionally go out and meet parents, potential students, and even students who were no longer in his care. Today that meant a trip to a local cafe, where he'd just finished discussing potential schools of higher learning with a former student who was trying to keep a foot in both the mortal realm and the magic one. 

It had turned out to be quite a heavy conversation, especially when the topic had turned to love. For all it was reassuring to hear one of his former students confess they we're struggling to maintain a relationship because of who they were (dating a non-magic sort was never easy), it was also deeply depressing. It was a reminder that sometimes love simply wasn't in the cards. Sometimes it didn't matter how stable you were or how badly you wanted it- It just wasn't meant to be.

Usually he'd have scurried off home, but his student's worries (and his own) were weighing heavily on him, and he'd found himself ordering another cup of tea.

The worst part of the aftermath of his relationship with Sunny, if he was honest, was the guilt. ...Guilt over the fact that he honestly felt alright most of the time. He missed her, hated knowing he couldn't just call her or drop by and say hello. Hated the strange void he felt in his chest when he thought about it all being over. However, it felt good not to be worried all the time, to not feel wrong or broken constantly. Spending time with Sunny had turned into a stressful thing, never knowing when she was going to cry or get upset, always attempting to interpret feelings he didn't fully understand while pushing himself to be more normal when he just hadn't been ready yet. He had stumbled into being a boyfriend before he'd been ready to be anything more than a possibility. It was like jumping into the deep end before learning to swim. It had been exhilarating and beautiful, but- It felt good to be back in the shallow end with the ground beneath his feet once again, free to float with the knowledge he could touch the floor if he needed to.

(OTA- Find Faizel at any cafe enjoying some tea.)

Comments

[faizel]

"Understandably so," Faizel nodded, looking down at his tea and falling silent again.

[akatawitch]

Sunny was quiet for a long moment herself, looking down at her hands and watching the way she was twisting them in her lap.

"I'm sorry," she murmured.

[faizel]

Faizel said nothing for a long moment, shrugging a little and clearly not sure what else to say.

"How is Felix fairing? Has he had any luck with his research?" he asked finaly, deliberately keeping the focus on Anael's trouble.

[akatawitch]

Now Sunny did raise her eyes and look at him, a long, mild look that said she knew what he was doing and for the time she would let him do it.

"He says," she told him, "that Cabalines stopped believing in angels around the time of Henry VIII. So anything they might have had that was relevant has been moldering for nearly five hundred years."

[faizel]

"Pity," Faizel sighed. "I did bring the topic to several former teachers of mine, and they all seemed to have little to no knowledge of angels or demons, or anything tied to stories of mortal faith."

[akatawitch]

"Christianity's relationship with stories is really weird anyway," Sunny mused, her shoulders lifting in a shrug. "I mean, there are Biblical tales, but so many of them don't really figure into... y'know. The actual faith very much. People are more likely to know things from Dante's Inferno--not the rest of The Divine Comedy, just the hell bits--or Paradise Lost than they are things from the Bible. And even then, what anything says about angels is pretty scant."

[faizel]

"Mmm, my point was that where I'm from the lore alone is obscure. The actual beings that apparently exist here either don't exist there, or have faded into complete obscurity," the dark haired wizard replied.

[akatawitch]

Sunny nodded. "I'd tell you to read some scripture, but honestly it's a mess. And you'd probably get a lot more enjoyment out of A History of God anyway."

[faizel]

"It's not anything I think I'll ever look into for pleasure," Faizel said honestly, seeing no reason to be anything less than frank. "My interest in this is born purely from hoping to aid your friend, Sunny."

[akatawitch]

Sunny wanted to fidget, but she didn't let herself start. "That's not what I meant," she said softly, not sure what exactly the words were for what she did mean.

[faizel]

"I don't understand, what did you mean then? That they would be useful in my research?" Faizel asked, his confusion earnest.

[akatawitch]

"Mm..." Sunny's gaze drifted upward toward the sky. "That they might be useful, yes, but just also that you might get more out of one than the other. Or at least I know it's easier for me to both absorb information and get creative with it when I'm not distracted by how much I hate what I'm reading."

[faizel]

"I can see how that might be. However, I try not to let my emotions get in the way when I'm learning something," Faizel admitted. "It's not terribly hard to simply switch it all off so I can absorb what is needed to progress in my studies."

[akatawitch]

Sunny smiled a little. "I wish I could do that. I can force myself through, but it's very much a struggle." Isong still took mental preparation, and even then she still sometimes threw the book at the wall just to watch it sullenly sprout little legs and crawl back.

[faizel]

"We all gather knowledge in our own unique ways," Faizel assured her with a small shrug. "You have found a way that works for you, and that is all that matters."

[akatawitch]

She smiled and asked the next question mostly to tease him. "Even when it results in me arguing with long-dead authors by way of talking to books?"

[faizel]

"If that's what aids you," Faizel replied with a soft smile.

[akatawitch]

"It does make things more memorable," Sunny grinned.

The smile softened down to something more uncertain and shy. "I missed you."

[faizel]

Faizel was silent a beat, then frowned to himself. "I missed you also, though the space seemed necessary. Time has helped me, I think. I'm not sure I'd have been good company had our paths crossed sooner."

[akatawitch]

"Yeah," Sunny murmured, her smile fading entirely. "Me neither. There was... a lot to sort through." She had at turns been a weepy mess, resentful, pissed off, numb, introspective, relieved, worried, and many and more things still.

[faizel]

"Yes," he agreed, nodding a little as he looked down at the table and seemed to consider his next words.

"It is good we can sit here and speak so pleasantly. I've missed this more than most anything else."

[akatawitch]

"Me too," Sunny agreed, more emotion bubbling up than she liked just in admitting that. "We were losing that," she added, softer.

[faizel]

"Yes," he agreed, pushing his hair back again, this time gently spelling it to stay out of the way. "I can only speak for myself, but- It was starting to feel strained. I was so worried about what was expected that I was no longer allowing myself to simply enjoy the moments we shared."

[akatawitch]

"No, it was." Sunny drew up one leg and hugged it against her chest, bracing her heel on the edge of the chair. "Except I was worrying about not freaking you out."

[faizel]

"I would like it if we could try and be friends again," he said, glancing up from the table to look at her properly.